Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in arianerator's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, December 17th, 2005
12:13 am	HA! Just decided that I'm too much of a wussy so my new years resolution is to toughen up. Effective--NOW! Goddamnit! I'm just so angry right now I want to break something. I'm tired too, but thanks to fucking laundry alas I type. I can't wait to move the fuck out. I hate living at home. And it had to snow. ALOT. And be cold. I'm not really worried about work. I just want my checks to clear. They need to clear. I need to get paid. But I love work otherwise. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
3:31 pm	Nation is sleepy, full and slightly ahungover still. Good times though. I think this is as close to a diary as I'll ever get, and it's broadcasted for millions to read upon their choice. Absolutely redickulous. I have a little crush that I'm probably going to do nothing about. I hate boys! I hate looking for nice boys to like. It's rather exhausting and I'm just not up to it as of late. So fuck that. I'm not fucking up shit. But he is a cutie. A big cutie. Fun to look at. And nice. For now. I'ma take a nap or something. Current Mood: crushin' (Comment on this)
Friday, October 28th, 2005
10:56 pm	I need to move out. Current Mood: ... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
11:21 pm	Bleh. I don't know what I'm going anymore. I got busted for drinking last week and now I just want to run away from home and never ever return. I would like to move out, but the finacially secure thing to do is stay. I don't like boys anymore, but I can't bat for the other team. garblemushesssatononyu They want answers but I've got nothing fresh to tell them. I need to hash this out. It's killing me. Current Mood: M shaped mouth (Comment on this)
Monday, October 17th, 2005
10:05 pm	I finally have a job~! Huzzah. I like school. It is great. and awesome. still. I can't wait to move the fuck out! Hopefully happening within the next few weeks. Which would be nice. I kinda have a boyfriend. UNofficially mind you. I had a 15 hour work day fuck me in the ass yesterday. It was very unsexy. I didn't like it. I got a feeling it's going to happen again though. ... and again ... and plenty more where that came from OH that and MIDNIGHT CURFEW LICKS MY BALLS Current Mood: going to bed Current Music: bring on the funk! (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
12:23 pm	contradicting myself or something of the sort Things are getting better. I realized the other day when shit hits the fan, the fan doesn't break, it just sends it through and out the other end. Well, at least the fan does now, the fan is strong enough, it doesn't need that shit. um. yeah. Anyway, I continue with my life in a more calm manner. While I will never be able to fully reach a pure state of... aloofness, I try. And more and more I care less about what other people think. It's not that I am closed minded, it's just that my mind is my own, and their thoughts will not change who I am unless I let it. Although I don't want to care what people think of me, I don't want people to hate me either. There are things that we do in life that I suppose cannot be forgiven, but doesn't everyone make these very mistakes. I think I remember reading in some obscure sex column that people need to get over shit from the past because it's what makes us human. I guess I can live with that. No more forgiveness, just moving on. I don't think I'm going to get it anyway, and come to think of it, I don't know if I want it, especially from some one that thinks they're better than me just because they can't remember all the terrible things they've done to someone else. I guess I'm not a very nice person. Things can always change though, and if it really comes down to it, and I really am not a nice person, I can just move to another country where no one knows who I am and just start destroying lives there. Or making them more uncomfortable. Cause I have this feeling that some people think that I am a flat out, utter bitch. Oh well, they can certainly think as they wish. I really do need to find a job though. My constant attempts to lift my patheticness of being a jobless bum is getting tougher by the day. The jokes toward myself are getting meaner and more self-deminishing. I gotta save myself from this sluffing. I'll miss the freetime and the carefree manner in which I live my weekends, but I gotta pay my phone bill and I'm down to nickles and pennies. I ate too many dumplings for lunch. They were really really good though. mmmmmmm... dumplings! with a tasty soy-lemon-ginger sos. I have to go study now. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: flake (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
11:26 pm	YOWZA~! It's certainly been a while... not like anyone would care... shit, I don't even. AND! For the record, I'm not quite sure what all the talk about Luke was over... he's a nice guy, not worth babbling over probably, but hell, neither am I. I'm loving Culinary school, which rules because hating school was getting a bit tiresome, though I do miss drinking at like noon30. Living at home licks one in the ass. I feel like fucking Cinderella with a curfew of midnight, but alas my parents are early birds (before the buttcrack of dawn to specify) AND! I'm not paying a cent of rent, so get bent. (boooo! I suck!) There was a faint talk of me possibly getting a car and then I said no. I don't even have a job! I'm currently a bum living in my folks basement, going to tech school, but for one of the first times in my life, not really too worried about anything. Nice change of pace. School rocks though. I don't think I've ever made a wiser choice for myself. We did baking the first month. A week of pies. Soooo many fucking pies. Then quickbreads (biscuits, muffins, scones, biscotti...) and yeast breads. We are finishing up pantry tomorrow and start range next week. I love frozen peanut butter pie in cupcake molds. HELL YEAH! Current Mood: I get to eat my homework!! Current Music: SAY SHHH!!! SAY SHHH~!!!! (Comment on this)
Friday, May 13th, 2005
1:38 pm	wanna scream School is over for most. I woke up at 1 this afternoon. I still don't know where my U card is which has been and will continue to be a terrible hassle and a horrible travesty. I realized when boredom strikes (which must be always) I fall back on the comfort of my movies. I think I need to get some new movies for that matter. I swear I must have watched them all about a million times over. sigh, yet I have had no money designated towards the funding of buying movies of late. I've been spending a lot of time at Brento/matt/lukes house, which I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad one. I know Luke knows, and I know that Luke knows I know... it goes on like that. But I don't know if I really want anything from him, or any of them for that matter. I guess I've been a little hesitant on making any kind of new connection here at the U because I'll just leave at the end of the month. I was just thinking about this last sentence and I wonder if this is some kind of subconcious link towards my past. But then I guess I'm probably just over thinking about things and letting myself get carried away in my own thoughts. That's why I should always have something to do because if I get a moment to stop and think, I'll just fly away from myself. Current Mood: I'm not sure exactly... Current Music: blind him with your kindness (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
1:17 am	yup... So this next month is going to fly by... I move back home most likely at the end of the month. Then I can buy a bike and lock in the garage so no motherfucker can steal it. I've been feeling edgy lately... I hope it doesn't show. I've been drinking a lot lately. And writing about it. it's bad... and kinda stupid. it's going to stop. holy periods. . ....... I'm sleepy... I didn't do shit today. ....... .............. ........ . .. . . .. . ... Current Mood: . .. . . .. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 1st, 2005
5:30 am	once again... ..as it goes I am drunk... I have fully begun to embrace that which is the lifestyle of the CHEF!!! (there would be an underline if I knew how to make one appear... alas I am a computard!!!!) DRUNKENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have not much to say. Actually I just wrote a paragraph of bullshit. I erased/deleted/DESTROYED!!/disappeared such information from this area. Twas worth the effort. For tomorrow I know I will read this and be confused... but therein lies all the glory of simple fun. What? DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrunkendsss sure. I don't know. STOP ASKING!! g'nite errrrrr somthin' Current Mood: DRRRunk? Current Music: Just believe in yourself because it's going to be OKAY!!!! (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 30th, 2005
3:32 am	an experiment..... ...a drunken experiment to be precise! I have decided that perhaps my bloggering wilst best be done under a state of pure inebriation. I have consulted dictionary.com in regards to the spellings of many words. Grammer is not of utmost importance in my entries so faretheewell fucking grammer! mwa ha ha. Anyway. I'm not sure what to think of tonight. I'm really fucked up. Err... at least I felt really fucked up a moment ago. I felt like I was going to puke outta my nose if I couldn't help it. Quite an unfortunate feeling of possibilities available. Mindablanka. I'm going to bed in a bitter mood... and I don't think it's JUST all the liquor..... ...this has been occurring more and more lately... ...it's disturbing to be honest. Current Mood: worried Current Music: I've been listening to a lot of Jack Johnson lately... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
1:38 pm	It's been a long time since I've written. I guess I just got angry at the world. I still think blogs are stupid but I still plug away in them. (Besides, who came up with the word "blog"? It's a terrible sounding word, perhaps were online journals nicknamed something else I'd be less squeemish the next time someone asked me if I've got a BLOG!) I up and decided to leave the U of M and go to cooking school at some local community/technical college. Perhaps not quite as prestigious of paths but who put such a premium on being hoiti-toiti. My worries now lie in the financial department where they have always somehow managed to slip into. But this is the norm as it always has been. So with this I asked my parents to let me move back in so I can go to some tech school to get a cooking degree... and this is suppose to sound better than what I have now? In my mind, it does. Everyone says that college is the best time of your life. Right now it's not. It's the hardest time of MY life. This is the time where I am forced to choose who I am. You gotta figure out what you're doing. Figure out what you're going to do and what you're going to leave behind. Make choices and follow them through to the end. Responsibilities. Liabilities. It's fun stuff. I'm stuck in this looming transition phase that is slow and hard. It's driving me nuts, the feeling of anticipation. The wait for something better. Although, things aren't so bad. I have a general idea of what I'm going to do, there is NOTHING to be afraid of, and yet, I'm alway at least just a little nervous. I'm going to take a nap. Current Mood: tired Current Music: First Day of My Life (Comment on this)
Friday, March 4th, 2005
1:52 am	I'm not sure what to do anymore about these little dramatic moments that occur in my life. I realized that I really don't care about certain things anymore... I'm not sure if it's just who I am now and where I learned it from or something I learned along the way. I just don't want to be weighted down with more shit that I just don't want to deal with. So I look at the little things in life instead. It makes me complacent. Day three: March fourth, five to two I Brush It Away And Think I'm slightly sleepy my hair is still in tight curls they will wilt quite soon I'm in a bitter point of view of my life right now. I don't think my impatience helps at all at this point. I feel addicted to writing down edited feelings online for everyone to read... and everyone I mean probably 6 people. Or less... I have no idea, nor do I care at the moment. I'm going to bed... fuck this. Current Mood: I'm not here go away!!! Current Music: American Pie by Don McLean (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
2:27 pm	more on haikus... So I've written another haiku for my haiku-a-day-a-thon and I realized that I hadn't given the first one a title. So I've incorporated a title here but I'm making titles an option in my haikuathon. Sometimes there will be a title, sometimes others will be titleless. Day two: March third, six past half past two On A Cold March Day looking down midstep motionless on icy stone lays a yellow wasp I'm liking this haiku thing... Current Mood: winky Current Music: Handsome Boy Modeling School (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
12:43 am	a haiku a day for a month. Capricious my dear friend Bridget, I have decided to follow in her footsteps and write a haiku a day. Some may kickass... but I have a feeling that most of them are going to be silly diatribe of 5-7-5 form. Day one: March second, midnight forty three. screw, pull, pop the cork, pour out lush red burgandy, six ounces to warmth. Current Mood: toasty Current Music: Sleeping In by Postal Service (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
5:54 am	it's almost six in the morning. i've concluded that my nights staying up till the sun almost rises habitual trait needs to cease. It is college, and things like this happen, but I haven't been able to hold down a regular sleep pattern which causes my sleep to be less fulfilling than it normally would. Be it staying up all night or waking up way too early, my mind wanders around aimless and apathetic. I realize I probably don't even make any sense in this entry as well, and if by some freakass scenario I do make sense, that's probably even worse because normally I never make sense. That was a bit excessive I think. I'm going to bed with a movie... and yes, I will probably be watching the battle on Hoth in a galaxy far far away... Current Mood: <----wtf is with this cat? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 21st, 2005
11:18 pm	I'm in a funk, a bummed out funk. I'm not really sure why either, which really bothers me. I'd rather know why and be able to fix it, obviously. I'm not very sure of myself either, I can't seem to figure out if I'm just the most clutzy person in the world or just sucking at life flat out. I feel lonely although I'm with people a lot of the time, or at least I have been the past few days. Why do I have to feel like people want to be with me. Is it that important to not be alone? Current Mood: in a funk Current Music: renegades of funk (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 20th, 2005
5:33 am	Ok, I've decided I'm not allowed to watch Star Wars at all for the next twenty four hours. I can't believe that it's always running in my VCR old skool style just about everyday. I mean, just today I watched both Empire and Jedi, I also didn't get a goddamn thing accomplished. I was thinking about how many other things I could get done if I didn't spend so much time becoming one with the force constantly... aren't I suppose to be participating in crazy college activities instead of sitting wrapped up in a blanket eating kettle corn. So I wonder how much I will get done over the next 24 hours. I guess only time will tell. That is if I can make it. Current Mood: a bit sleepy... Current Music: I'm not going to die because I'm listening to Massive Attack (Comment on this)
Friday, February 18th, 2005
11:44 pm	I am drunk, once again. Only still I don't know what I'm doing. I hate everything... I do. I'm so bitter at life being a drunkard that it's ridiculous! It reallly is... i just want to go to sleep.... Current Mood: drunk (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 17th, 2005
11:34 pm	I am drunk. There is not a whole lot more to be said about it. Beyond that this is not a good week to be saying something like this. Although it is Thursday evening, I am being so completely irresponsible that I am digging a hole in which I cannot get out! Current Mood: If I can get in, I can get out (Comment on this)